It’s possible, even likely, that anti-Semitism and racism were both occuring in this situation. Neither one is acceptable. During this historical period, I believe that racism is the key issue that causes the exploitation of millions of human beings around the world and divides us all from one another. But I remain deeply committed to ending all oppressions, including my oppression as a Jew. I have been learning how to communicate about anti-Semitism more effectively, particularly highlighting that anti-Semitism persists in very destructive ways, even if many Jews identify as white and even if there is no current systematic killing of Jews.

I’d like to strive to respond to the mother in Carmen’s story in two ways: listening to her about how anti-Semitism affected her in this situation and throughout her life, and challenging her to become a more aware and active ally against racism.

I have learned so much by panels and listening exchanges. I was counseled by people of color who asked me about my earliest memories associated with noticing a skin tone other than “pink” (I’m white) and they listened to me warmly. Their philosophy was that by having me review my earliest memories associated in any way with race I’d unravel biases and become more aware.

After a while of this I was able to pay more attention to other people’s oppression and listening to panels of different subgroups of people of color I was able to become aware of what people go through everyday like the childcare provider in your article. I became able to speak up if i saw something unfair like that and also to be warm and friendly with groups of people I used to fear.

Before that I thought racism was over. I didn’t think I was racist but I found out I grew up in racism and had it stuck to my mind. I needed (and still continue to work on it) to free my mind of racist training! Absolutely.

I love your blog and hope I’m part of the solution today to ending racism.

love,
cindy
xo

They would use this notion of getting over ourselves to tell us to get over ourselves and care about whitey, essentially. We have to care that she is being racially discriminated against on a regular basis, or that the white man is the most stepped on member of society. Because for that person, it is sheer hypocrisy that the Jewish woman should get over herself enough to care about the Jamaican woman’s experience, but that neither of them should care about the white person’s equally legitimate racist experience.

As a white woman, I have certainly done my share of filtering. As Charles pointed out, sometimes we can’t see past our own experience to appreciate what others are dealing with.

However, for my whole life, I’ve been a jew; for 20 years I’ve been in a committed relationship with a standard issue white man (honey please don’t take that the wrong way); and in the past decade I’ve become a mom whose family was built through transracial adoption. I am also someone who spent more than a year caring for another mother’s african american son.

All of these experiences have changed me at my core, and I worry for the son whose mother has not been changed by her relationship with him. Did she not realize he was victimized as well?

I’m sorry for the nanny who was subjected to these racist acts, and then victimized again by her employer who first pleaded for trust and then violated it with her reaction. Some people will never get it, but we can hold out hope for the others who might just need a nudge toward the right answer.

It is difficult to set ourselves aside so that we can digest the entire message. I’ve gotten much better in the last couple of years with forcing myself to pause for a careful reread or to listen with better ears before I jump off the edge in full scale attack. It takes effort, though, because I have to weed through a life time of baggage.

Today’s Racialicious post ends with a great statement: “There’s nothing shameful about admitting that you’re among the majority of Americans – of every color – who has sometimes judged another person on the color his skin instead of the content of his character – and then realized it wasn’t fair. The best antidote to unconscious bias is self-reflection. …”

How hard is it, even for those of us who have dealt with diversity issues (I instituted a business course called Managing Diversity back in the early 80’s for a national business organization and taught diversity training courses in several corporate and government organizations subsequently) to really step inside another’s feelings and offer the appropriate response? For me, it comes down to being able to take a breath and step back from my own immediate reaction to truly hear and feel what is being said and described.

I imagine the mother in the case you present has too many filters to process the information through. The ‘you’ in the nanny’s ‘you people’ could have referred to Americans, white people in general, the folks in that particular neighborhood, or, sadly enough, to Jews. Valuing relationships more than perceived hurt feelings might have cautioned this upset mother to calm herself and probe a bit to ascertain the root of the nanny’s issues. Simply put, empathy could have been approached by basic communication skills. Asking questions might have uncovered what was going on for the nanny and, once understood, a better way to understanding between the two women could have occurred.

Problem solved? No, but a step in the right direction? Yes.